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Thursday, July 12, 2018

Oh No! I'm Losing My Texas Accent!


Last Friday a Yankee told me I was losing my Texas accent. I was shaken to the bones. This is a tragedy more gloomy than Hamlet, McBeth or the Seinfeld cancellation. 

For the last week I have been working on talkin' Texan by using these reminders and drills: 

  • To speak Texan always drop the g in words endin' with ing as in I'm fixin' to say the words right. 
  • In Texas the accent is almost always on the first syllable as in "DAWugs (canine) and CAYuts (feline)."
  • Spelt: The way to write words right as in "If I had spelt grammer right I wouldn't have made an F in English."
  • Dadgummit: Something you say when you make an F in English.
  • BAWul: A round thing that you throw.
  • PITur: The guy or gal who throws the BAWul; also, a jug that holds liquid as in "Bring me a PITur of margaritas porfavor;" or something you hang on a wall as in "That's a pretty PITur of your family."
  • HOSS: You put a saddle on it and ride. Also the chief, the ace, the quarterback, the big boss man.
  • Shurf: The head lawman in Texas counties.
  • Hep: Something you say when you are drowning.
  • Far: A blaze like a forest far.
  • Birt: All black and sooty as in the forest birt up.
  • Tars: Round rubber things that your car rolls on. (Here is a good practice drill: I had to change the tars on my car because they caught far and got birt up.)
  • Awl: A black grease that comes out of the ground.
  • BIDness: The way Texans make a living like saying, "I'm in the awl bidness."
  • 'Mercans: People who live in the United States.
  • Govmit: People in Washington DC to whom Texans send foreign aid.
  • Yit: Yet
  • Yew: You 
  • Yawl: A group of people
  • Bawks: A six-sided container you put things in.
  • EYESbawks: A cold storage place for EYEScream.
  • Spoilt: What happens to deer meat if you don't put it in the EYESbawks.
  • Kilt: What you do to a 10-point deer before you strap him to the hood of your Ford-450 as in "I kilt me the biggest buck in Texas." (Be sure the deer is kilt before you put 'em in the EYESbawks.)
  • Eight: Eat or eaten
  • Butter: A warning as in "You butter not come home late."
  • Caint: Unable to perform or do as in "I caint put the far out."
  • DAINce: What you do when the band plays. 
Caveat for 'Mercans: Texans talk funny so you will think we are stupid.


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