Last Friday a Yankee told me I was losing my Texas accent. I was shaken to the bones. This is a tragedy more gloomy than Hamlet, McBeth or the Seinfeld cancellation.
For the last week I have been working on talkin' Texan by using these reminders and drills:
- To speak Texan always drop the g in words endin' with ing as in I'm fixin' to say the words right.
- In Texas the accent is almost always on the first syllable as in "DAWugs (canine) and CAYuts (feline)."
- Spelt: The way to write words right as in "If I had spelt grammer right I wouldn't have made an F in English."
- Dadgummit: Something you say when you make an F in English.
- BAWul: A round thing that you throw.
- PITur: The guy or gal who throws the BAWul; also, a jug that holds liquid as in "Bring me a PITur of margaritas porfavor;" or something you hang on a wall as in "That's a pretty PITur of your family."
- HOSS: You put a saddle on it and ride. Also the chief, the ace, the quarterback, the big boss man.
- Shurf: The head lawman in Texas counties.
- Hep: Something you say when you are drowning.
- Far: A blaze like a forest far.
- Birt: All black and sooty as in the forest birt up.
- Tars: Round rubber things that your car rolls on. (Here is a good practice drill: I had to change the tars on my car because they caught far and got birt up.)
- Awl: A black grease that comes out of the ground.
- BIDness: The way Texans make a living like saying, "I'm in the awl bidness."
- 'Mercans: People who live in the United States.
- Govmit: People in Washington DC to whom Texans send foreign aid.
- Yit: Yet
- Yew: You
- Yawl: A group of people
- Bawks: A six-sided container you put things in.
- EYESbawks: A cold storage place for EYEScream.
- Spoilt: What happens to deer meat if you don't put it in the EYESbawks.
- Kilt: What you do to a 10-point deer before you strap him to the hood of your Ford-450 as in "I kilt me the biggest buck in Texas." (Be sure the deer is kilt before you put 'em in the EYESbawks.)
- Eight: Eat or eaten
- Butter: A warning as in "You butter not come home late."
- Caint: Unable to perform or do as in "I caint put the far out."
- DAINce: What you do when the band plays.
Caveat for 'Mercans: Texans talk funny so you will think we are stupid.
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