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Monday, January 11, 2016

Refined Insults for Politicians


Instead of the puerile codswallop politicians inflict upon us they might consider modifying these cosmopolitan insults :

  • A member of Parliament to Disraeli:"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.” "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli,"whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
  • He had delusions of adequacy.----Walter Kerr
  • He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.--- Winston Churchill
  • He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.----Oscar Wilde
  • I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.----George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
  • Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.... if there is one.----Winston Churchill, in response
  • He is a self-made man and worships his creator.----John Bright
  • I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.----Irvin S. Cobb
  • He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.----Samuel Johnson
  • He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.----Paul Keating
  • To avoid being called a flirt she always yielded easily.----Charles, Count Talleyrand
  • Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?----Mark Twain
  • His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.----Mae West
  • Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.-----Oscar Wilde
  • He was like the pure driven snow but he drifted----modification of a Mae West comment
  • Statistics are like a bikini: Exciting in what they reveal, crucial in what they hide. 
  • I once sent a dozen_______ (Republicans/Democrats) an email "flee at once, all is discovered." They all left town immediately----modification of a Mark Twain comment
  • If you feed a starving dog he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a dog and a___________(Republican/Democrat)----modification of Mark Twain comment
  • Presidential campaigns have become so expensive it costs a billion dollars to lose.----modification of a Will Rogers comment
  • Campaigns guarantee the we have the best President money can buy.----modification of a Will Rogers comment
  • Democracy ensures that we get the leaders we deserve.----modification of a Winston Churchill comment