Dust in the Wind

A young couple visited us last night. During the dinner conversation they mentioned that they were having trouble getting their children to cleanup their rooms. I told them this story. 

When a teenager our son, Brad, was the original trash monster. Photographs, tapes, books, papers and schoolwork constantly covered the floor of his room. We have found moldy, half eaten sandwiches in his desk drawers.  Only those with strong stomachs dared look under his unmade bed: pizzas, chips, spilled cokes, and mildewed clothes decayed there. No sane adult dared entered his bathroom:  uncapped toothpaste tubes, spilled shampoo, unrolled toilet paper and wet towels littered the floor. 

We tried everything: Gold stars, money, bribes, lectures, restrictions, grounding. Nothing worked. 

Brad was not a sullen, obstinate or rebellious child, but, on the contrary, he was a delightful, fun loving kid who just had better things to do than clean up his room. He was always a whirlwind of unkempt joy. 

Finally, we just let the messy room collect detritus. 

Vicki and I were stunned, no we were shocked to the core, when Brad returned from college for Thanksgiving weekend and said, “My roommate and I get along in every way—except he’s real messy.  He throws his clothes down on the floor, won’t make up his bed and leaves books and papers scattered everywhere.  I like to have my desk and room organized.”      

For young parents contemplate this message:  Don’t get too upset with your kid's filthy rooms.  Some kids are naturally messy; some kids are neat.  Allow those frowzy kids to be themselves.  

If you complain excessively about their messiness and meaningless things then they won’t pay attention to important rules and regulations, such as “no drugs and alcohol” and “nothing good happens after midnight.” 

Enjoy your children’s fun loving spirits.  Spend time with them: Read to them; listen to them.  Praise them more.  Appreciate them more.  

Pay attention to the big things; ignore the little things.  

Cleanliness and orderliness will come with time.