Bringing Balance to Life: Finding Time You Never Knew You Had

These Suggestions will help you find time for the important things in life:

• Reduce paperwork
• Clearing your desk will help you focus on what's important
• Toss low priority paperwork and junk
• Handle every piece of paper once---do it then trash it
• Get an early start. Begin---and finish---your most essential work before everyone else arrives and the telephone starts ringing. 
• Know your rhythms---Determine your most productive time and reserve it for prime projects. 
• WIN---ask yourself What's Important Now and do the most important things first
• Reduce meeting time---meetings are the biggest waste of time in America. 
• Have everyone stand at a meeting---they'll leave quicker
• Stick with the agenda
• Stop digressive talk
• Reduce the time for meetings---meetings tend to fill the time allotted for them
• Don't schedule or attend wasteful meetings
• Ten minutes after the meeting begins have someone call you and leave
• Delegate tasks that others can do
• Use transition time wisely---is texting or reading email the best use of waiting time?
• Reduce Facebook time
• Text less, talk more---texting in front of others is rude and narcissistic
• Keep email messages short---no more than one paragraph will do for most messages. (Ask yourself if you want everyone in the world to read this because they might.)
• Turn off the television---skip mind constricting programs.
• Rest and relax---relaxing restores energy and improves concentration enabling you to get more done faster. Breaking up your schedule with a 10 minute respite every 90 minutes improves efficiency. A lumberjack knows that the oak cuts faster when he takes time to sharpen the ax.

Bringing Balance to Life: Born Again

After telling my pastor that I didn't think I had been saved, he suggested I attend a Walk to Emmaus Retreat, a weekend Christian Conference. On Saturday afternoon, October 31, 1992, the conference attendees had communion whereby we were to break bread throwing the portion representing our biggest sin into a basket while partaking in the other portion. I sauntered haughtily toward the communion table expecting nothing from the sin I would discard---pride. Upon tossing pride in the basket I became overwhelmed with love, joy and peace so intense that I sobbed with gratitude. Jesus was there: I saw him, heard his voice, felt his presence.

Do we need an epiphany to be born again? Of course not. Many have a quieter experience. A sermon, a lecture, a book, a friend's example may turn some lives toward God. A few recall no time without God. Christianity gradually sneaks up on others. Rebirth is more than a feeling.

• First we must realize that compared to God's holiness we have fallen short, we have sinned---pride, envy, anger, laziness, greed, piggishness, and lust---are the cardinal seven. 
• We turn away from the mess we have made of our lives. Recognizing that we have hurt others, failed ourselves, neglected God engenders deep sorrow. Repentance without sorrow is hollow. 
• We turn to God. We step off the cliff of self-sufficiency into the loving arms of Jesus. That fearful step takes faith, a belief that our lives can be more loving, joyful, and peaceful with God.

Does that step of faith insure that we will have a life as pure as falling snow? No. We'll drift. The fog of life---doubt, discouragement, diversion, defeat, delay---will cloud our progress. We will continue to sin. 

I often  put family and work ahead of God. I worship false idols: A red Jaguar comes to mind. I lust: Women still make my testosterone bubble. Money---How much do I want? Just a little more. Prideful thoughts---the most destructive of sins---detour my Christian walk.

Nonetheless, I am certain of my life's purpose and assured of eternal assignments. Prayer, the scriptures, Bible fellowship, and church get me on the right path again. 

I know this: Despite our transgressions God desires to overflow our cups with love, joy, and peace. God loves all of us and calls us to share our lives with him. Without God our lives are unbalanced. Rebirth provides stability---a firm foundation built on love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. 

Bringing Balance to Life: Listen to Save Time

Have you lost a business deal because you didn't clearly understand the other person's point of view. Have you spent hours restoring harmony after a misunder­standing offended your spouse? Has a misinterpretation caused a loss of time with your children, friends or associates? How many doctors have missed a diagnosis because they didn't listen?

Listening is a lost art: 

• We are "too busy" for concentrated listening. 
• We're multitasking. 
• We have three or four things on our mind. 
• We're watching TV. Consider this: Many restaurants display multiple televisions. Because of the orientation reflex whenever the television blinks our eyes flick toward the TV.  (The orientation reflex is an impulse buried deep in our brain's amygdala that helped prevent primitive man from becoming tiger meat.)
• Texting prevents intimacy. We've all seen two or more people sitting together texting instead of talking. 

Why listen?

• Listening will help you make time-saving decisions. 
• Listening prevents confusion.
• Listening engenders harmony in relationships.
• Listening sparks win-win situations.
• Listening shows respect. Consider this: When listening to a report were you focused on the speaker?
• You'll be respected and popular. A good listener always allows people to hear their favorite speakers---them­selves. People are a thousand times more likely to be interested in themselves than in you.

Here are the cardinal techniques for listening:

• Get the name right. 
• When introduced to someone we often don't hear the name because many people slur or garble their name. At other times they look down or speak softly when giving their name. They may say their name too fast. Replying, "I'm sorry I didn't get your name or (if it is a difficult name) would you mind spelling your name" shows respect and demonstrates their importance to you. 
• In the next sentence repeat their name.
• Make an association to the name. For example, if Mr. Hall is tall, see Mr. Hall walking up a tall hall. Just don't call Mr. Hall Mr. Tall.
• Listening begins and ends with making the other person feel important. 
• Listen more, talk less. Listening to people talk about themselves works with human nature. Talking about yourself works against human nature.
• Replace "I" with "you."
• Use the psychiatrist technique. After receiving my MD degree and finishing a medical intern year becoming a psychiatrist was easy. The first year of psychiatric training they taught me to say, "hmm." The second year I learned to say, "my-my." The third year I mastered, "Tell me more." 
• Use "Hmm," "my-my," "tell me more" to learn all you wanted to know about a person
• Because the eyes are the gateway to the soul, communication at the deepest level comes from eye contact.
• Concentrating on the speaker builds trust. Improves rapport. Enhances hearing. You pick up nuances in facial expression and body posture when you watch the speaker.
• Reflecting back what you thought you heard clarifies points: "I heard you say______is that correct?
• An open, interested posture encourages the speaker and builds confidence in the relationship. Leaning away, looking away, or folding the arms indicates indifference, opposition, or boredom.
• Interrupting with I statements wastes time...and it also marks you as a boring narcissist.  Avoid comments such as, I lived in Phoenix...Did you know I...I have a third cousin who...I love Texas A & M ... 
• Using clarifying or empathetic queries encourages the person to get to the point: 
• I understand… 
• What happened next?
• Would you please clarify that? 
• How do you know?
• Where did you hear? 
• Asking questions develops rapport and understand­ing. When people enjoy being with you, they share important matters. 
• Questions are the royal path to persuasion. Asking questions will tell you what others want, what motivates them. You can then use this knowledge to develop a time saving win-win situation. By helping other people get what they want, you can get what you want.
• Brevity, the heart of conversation, shows respect, saves time.  Say, "Because we respect each other's time, let's briefly cover the main topics and we'll decide what to do about them." Stand up when you are ready to terminate the conversation.
• Learn something from everyone you meeting by asking questions that interest you. Everyone has an interesting story hidden somewhere in their heart.
• Avoid boring conversations.Time is too precious to be bored.  If listless conversations or people frustrate you, move on. Avoid tedium. Seek more interesting friends and associates. 

Bringing Balance to Life: Refusing Petunia Plucking

Many of us become President of the Petunia Plucking Committee of the Presbyterian Church or Chair of the Bored Boosters of Buda Boots and Bonnets because we don't have the courage to refuse projects that don't interest us. 

Because I never developed fortitude, mettle, backbone, grit, steadfastness and other nouns describing guts I have wasted many hours groaning and moaning about insipid projects that I have allowed myself to be coaxed into joining. 

My latest cowardly act?: President of the Home Owners Association. How's that working out for me? Well I've increased my vocabulary learning British slang like codswallop and gobsmacked. (These are real words; look them up). I've mastered whining. And sloppiness. I've annoyed some homeowners and disappointed others. And hours upon hours have evaporated down the disposal of disappearing dreams.  

Here's some things I've learned from my irresolute behavior. I'm beyond rehabilitation, but perhaps they will help you:    

• Wasting time volunteering for activities that we don't enjoy engenders resentment, irritability, sloth, and inanity. 
• If we don't control our allotment of time, someone else will.
• Sometimes we say "yes" in an attempt to have people like us. 
• At other times needless guilt causes us to say "yes" to time-wasting projects.
• If our values are correct conserving time for our aspirations will help more people than a project we don't enjoy.
• It's better to be respected than liked.

I've written on two 3 x 5 cards ways that I can respond when someone asks me to join a project that doesn't interest me: 

• "Wow! That's a worthwhile project. I'm honored that you would ask me to participate. Unfortunately, because of other time pressing commitments I'll have to decline. I wish you well. Good-bye."
• "That project sounds great. I bet you will do well with it. One of the things I've learned through the years is what I can and can't do. My getting involved would be a waste of your time. No thank you. Best wishes on your project. Good bye."

When we say "no" with refinement we show respect for the other person. And we treat ourselves with respect. A polite "no" says, "I have dreams and goals. I know the things I want and I'm going after them."

Make a list of what's important to you:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTLF76zLxYA

Bringing Balance to Life: Being Kind to Ourselves

Recently, after getting in Facebook touch with some of my high school friends I began to feel sad, intensely sad.

What's going on here? Why am I sad? Never mind---I'll go for a long jog. The sadness will go away. Still sad. I'll eat some ice cream that'll help.  A movie? No, that didn't help. How about a board game with the family? Working out with friends at the club? Reading the Bible? Praying? Still sad.

So I tried the zen approach. Where am I feeling this pain? In my heart, my heart is aching. It's so sad that it's going to stop beating. What shape is the pain in? A tear drop. A tiny tear drop. Then more and more tear drops. What color is it? Blue. No purple. Deep purple, almost black. Where else am I feeling this pain? In my brain. My cerebral cortex is sending out painful messages. I was so scared then, in high school. I had no confidence. I wish I could go back and play football again. It was so much fun. Why did I quit the team? That was stupid. Math. I was so lost in math. I didn't understand it. Why didn't I ask that girl I had a crush on for help? Why didn't I smile more? Did I ever laugh? I wish I could go back again and have more fun in high school.  That girl in history class that I really, really liked what did I stop seeing her after one date. Why was I so standoffish with everyone? A best friend? I didn't have one. Why not? That other girl--the girl of my dreams--why didn't I pursue her with more vigor? It would have been nice to have a girl friend. I'm so ashamed of my passiveness. Man, I was depressed--depressed and scared.

Now accept the sadness. Feel it deeply. Grieve.

OK. I had these feelings then and I'm re-experiencing them now. I'm a lost little boy again.
Let's take care of that little boy. Comfort him. Treat him kindly. Gently teach him to stop criticizing himself. Don't let him beat-up on himself. Treat him as you would a grieving family member or a friend. Pray for him. Read scriptures to him. Nurture him.

Alright little boy let's turn your grief, your lostness into compassion. Be kinder to others. Listen, really listen to them. Support them. Help them. Understand them. Pray for them. Get active. Get your medical charts up to date. Write a page in your book today. Have fun. Play. Laugh. Learn. Love.

That's interesting. This approach helped. I'm feeling better. I'm sad no more.

Maybe this will work in other situations. When I'm frustrated. When I'm disappointed. When I'm angry. Instead of distracting myself with food or exercise or alcohol or shopping or frenetic activity, perhaps I should understand my feelings, accept my feelings, treat myself kindly, and turn my negative feelings into love and productive work.

Maybe it will work for all of us. When we are having negative feelings, let's try this technique. It is not easy thinking and feeling this way. It will take practice. But it will be worth it. All of us will be kinder to ourselves.

Experience the kindness:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Jw31Howgqg

Bringing Balance to Life: Focus Your Activities

The 80/20 rule comes from Pareto, an Italian economist, who found that:

• 80% of the wealth is held by 20% of the people.
• 80% of the sales are made by 20% of the sales force.
• 80% of the purchases are made by 20% of the customers.
• 80% of books borrowed from libraries are borrowed by 20% of the people.
• 80% of the work completed will be done by 20% of the people.

Focus eighty percent of your energy on 20% of the people and activities that pay big dividends.

Bringing Balance to Life: Defeating Procrastination

As a teenager our son, Brad, a notorious procrastinator, purchased a book, Overcoming Procrastination. He never read it. Later his college studies and two jobs forced him to abandon procrastination in the Lake of Sloth from where it never raised its ugly head again. 

Unfortunately some of us don't jettison procrastination allowing low-priority tasks to rise above high priority activities dissipating valuable time. We tend to do the least important things first because they are easier. We put off the most important things because they are hardier. When we work on the unimportant, we worry about the crucial tasks that aren't getting done. We get tension headaches. Ulcers. High blood pressure.  Psychiatrists get wealthy, but we still haven't done what's most important. 

Four major defects explain most reasons for procrastination:

1. Laziness

To defeat laziness, begin. Once moving, you'll tend to keep going. For example, if you're writing a screen play, put something on paper. Forget about sharpening pencils, arranging paper, reading one more script for inspiration. Write. Writers write.

2. The Quest for Perfection

Nobody is perfect. Expecting perfection never gets anything accomplished. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to make mistakes and you'll find that your family and friends will love you anyway; indeed they'll love you more because you're not so uptight. Learn to do your best and accept the results. To continue with the writing analogy, get that first draft done. Forget semicolons, active verbs, dangling participles, mixed metaphors. Just get something down on  paper. You can revise and rewrite the screenplay later.

3. Indecisiveness

To overcome indecisiveness, use the ready, fire, aim approach. Fire it up there. Then aim it. Make some mistakes. Learn. Adjust. Move on.

4. Difficult Tasks

Break down a difficult task into easy steps. Take the swiss cheese approach: take a bite out a little at a the time. You write a screenplay or a book one page at a time. Write one page a day and at the end of a year you will have written 365 pages.

Bringing Balance to Life: Time for Priorities

Those who apply themselves too closely to little things often become incapable of great things.

-- LaRochefoucauld

Many of us complain that we don't have enough time. False! All of us have the time. Instead, most of us waste the time we have. We spend all our time on insignificant things and have no time left for the noteworthy activities. We're too busy making a living to develop a lifestyle. 

A well-used time management rule says, Success depends on what you neglect. To get something important accomplished, neglect the time wasters, devote time to the significant.

Always follow the cardinal rule of time manage­ment: First things first. Early each morning make a list of those things to be accomplished that day. Review your goals. Next number your activities in the order of their impor­tance based on how those activities will help you accomplish your goals. Complete the first item first. The second, second.  The third, third. If you don't get to number four, no big deal. Avoid criticizing yourself if you fail to achieve everything on your list. Remember, you did the most important things first.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2mQMmDFvkDU

Bringing Balance to Life: Setting Goals to Achieve Your Dreams

Goals aren't for everyone:

• Goals are only for those who want to budget their time and balance their lives.
• Goals are only for those who want time for their family and themselves while advancing their career as far as their talents will take them. 
• Goals are only for retirees who want to have a balanced life so that they can enjoy the fruits of their labors. 
• Goals are only for those who take the time to prioritize so that they can save time.

To achieve your goals they much be SMART: 

• Specific--I am going to spend more time with Brad should be changed to I will spend 15 minutes with Brad each day.
• Measurable--I am going to buy my first car should be changed to I am going to get a second job and save all that money until I can pay cash for my car. 
• Achievable--I am going to be CEO of my company should be changed to I am going to be promoted by December 31, 2015.
• Realistic--I am going to buy a $2M second home in the mountains should be changed to I am going to pay off my first mortgage by doubling my monthly payments.
• Time focused--I am going to have the grandkids visit as soon as I clean this house should be changed to I will wash the dishes, sweep the floor, and change the sheets today so the grandkids can mess up the house when they visit tomorrow.

Most goal setters breakdown their desires into three categories: 

1. Family, Spiritual, and Personal Goals
2. Career (or Retirement) Goals
3. Self-improvement Goals

Suggestion for Family, Spiritual, and Personal Goals:

• How much time do you want to spend with your family?
• How do you want to spend your time with your family?
• How do you want to spend your leisure time?
• How many hours do you want to spend relaxing?
• How do you want to spend your time in spiritual pursuits?

Suggestions for Career (Retirement) goals:

• How far do you want to advance your career in 12 months? 5 years?
• What specific goals do you have for advancing your career?
• How do want to enjoy your retirement?
• What countries do you want to visit?

Suggestions for Self-improvement Goals (to retard Alzheimer's for retirees):

• Read books that improve your attitude and people skills at bedtime to inculcate ideas into the unconscious and to dilute the negative in your life
• Learn a foreign language
• Learn to play a musical instrument
• Work mind stretching puzzles
• Exercise 30 minutes six days a week
• Join Toastmaster to set your words and your career on fire 

Goal setting is one of the best ways to balance your life and find more time than you knew you had.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKP4cfU28vM

Bringing Balance to Life: The Bigger the Dream, The More the Time

Who stole the American dream? Who snatched our aspiration to be in charge of our lives? Who hampered our desire to go as far and as high as our spirit and character could take us? The govern­ment? Corporate America? Our boss? Our friends? Our family? Television? Laziness? Procrastination? Disorganization? Low self-esteem?

Whatever the cause---social or psychological---a meager number of people know how to dream big. That's sad, because we limit our potential when we won't allow our­selves to dream. No matter who or what caused us to relinquish our dreams, we--each of us---can decide to dream again. 

Prodigious dreamers are fulfilled. Productive. Enthusiastic. Their desire determines their destiny. Visionaries are motivated to plan and organize their lives to fulfill their dreams. 

We can start to dream with a vision statement---a phrase or sentence that tells what you are about. Here's an example of a vision statement: "I live a life that brings encouragement, optimism and hope to all I meet." Note that the statement is in the first person, present tense indicating that the future begins now.

As you consider your vision statement, be certain you're using your own measuring stick---not your mother's, or father's, or your wife's, or your husband's, or your friend's. What do you want out of life? What's important to you? What are you about? To help define your vision statement write down the answers to these questions:

• What three activities are most important to you?
• What three activities give you the most enjoyment?
• What three things do you want written on your tombstone?
• What three things do you want to do for others?
• What three things would you change about your life?
• How would you like to be described?
• What three qualities would you most like to see associated with your reputation?

Now study everything you have written so far.  Sum up, in one or two sentences, a concise description of who you want to be. Write your vision statement in the first person, present tense.

Formulating a vision statement and writing down those things you desire helps you focus on your plea­sures, your talents, and your bliss. Once you've expand­ed your vision, your expectations will direct you toward fulfilling your dreams. See yourself becoming your dream and living the life you want to live.

When you dream extraordinary dreams, some peo­ple---perhaps a family member, friend, co-worker, or even your boss---may try to take your vision from you. They will worry about you. They will try to steal your dream: "Don't get so excited, this might not work out." "You've got a good job; why do you want to change to something so uncertain?" "I know someone who tried that and they failed miserably."

Unfulfilled people are like crabs. Put crabs in a bucket and watch. If one crab attempts to crawl out of a bucket, the others pull the adventurer back down. People are like that. If you have a dream, they'll try to destroy it.

When someone or some event in your life begins to steal your dream, don't despair. Stand firm against the cold and penetrating wind of dissension and difficulty. Press on toward your dream.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LgzXwpePTTU