How to Prepare for the Ski Season

Those considering a ski trip over the holidays should follow these rules before making reservations.

• Visit your local butcher and pay him $10,000 to sit in the freezer.
• Drive around during rush hour while playing a tape of kids screaming. Make certain that the volume is at the highest level. 
• Bounce on a trampoline and jump onto the ground 10 times.
• Sit in an airport terminal for 14 hours.
• Walk across an ice rink 30 times in your ski boots carrying two pair of skis. Pretend you are looking for your car.
• For ski boot simulation, pit a pebble in your street shoes and tighten a clamp around your toes.
• Give Ex-Lax and Ipecac Syrup to all your children to simulate the third day of skiing.
• Pay a local vender $7.50 for a cold cup of hot chocolate.
• Buy a pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.
• Park your car on a steep slope and stick a nail in your left back tire.
• For those who like to snowboard tie your shoe laces together and have someone repeatedly shove you down the stairs. 
• Sit in an emergency room in your ski clothes for 9 hours.
• Put on as many clothes as you can, then take them off to go to the bathroom.
• Perform these simulations while breathing through a straw. 

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