The Triumph of Reason: Getting Along with People Who Disagree with Us

These are the marks of reasonable people:

·     Those who think rationally have a respect for the convictions of others.

·     Reasonable people are willing to examine their motives for believing what they believe.

·     Because most of us don't know what we don't know, reasonable people seek friends who can be brutally honest about our deficiencies.

·     Reasonable people attempt to learn from those with whom they disagree.

·     Those who use reason to form opinions have the courtesy to reflect back what a person has said and only when the other agrees that his summation is correct can he then proceed to discuss what he thinks followed by generously listening to feedback.

·     A rational person combines analysis with feelings to produce meaningful action. Wise people are well rounded--they read poetry and novels, go to movies, art museums, plays and listen to a wide range of music. They attend sporting events and automobile shows. They are constantly learning and expanding their horizons. Intellectual pursuits alone tend to wear away feelings.

·     Those who use reason to form opinions enjoy social interaction with a wide range of people including those who disagree with them.They treat others with respect and are generous toward the motives and opinions of others.

·     Reasonable people think clearly and talk plainly. They can succinctly summarize their ideas in words that just about everybody can understand.

·     When facts change rational people change their minds.

·     When faced with provocation reasonable people take a few minutes or a day or two to calm down before making a response, Using this phrase, perhaps: “Let me think about what you said.” 
Reasonable people after listening carefully and humbly may alter their positions somewhat (or they may not). Nonetheless, they possess the courage of their convictions and express them kindly with good will to all. 

Rational people seek to know more, work toward understanding others better, and strive to become useful to those they encounter.

An Antidote for Snark, Mockery and Bitterness

Alan Jacobs in his book, How to Think, gives reasons for a polarized world:

·     When some people hear a word or phrase such as conservative or liberal their thought can be directed against the person rather than the position they maintain (ad hominem fallacy). 

·     Some group members may treat other people unfairly if they don’t belong to their group.

·     Some treat people who disagree with them as nonhuman.

·     Some people have such animus toward those who disagree with them that their hatred disables their ethical and practical judgment.

·     Some treat others as so obviously wrong that mockery prevails over reasonable discussion.

·     In any group an inner ring (a term coined by C.S. Lewis) may form. We may respond to an alluring desire to belong to the inner ring. The desire to be inside the special group and the fear of being left out may cause decent men to do very bad things. Examples:A gang member enticed to murder to join the inner group.A fraternity member may be pressured to participate in egregious hazing.

·     Some people use reason alone (paralysis by analysis) to make decisions without taking into account the feelings of others. Over thinking may restrict their ability to treat others with warmth, kindness and gentleness.

·     Others respond to their feelings of repulsion without considering why they feel repulsed.

·     When facts change some people have so much invested in their opinions that they refuse to change their minds. This way of thinking is called the sunk fallacy and can be seen in gambling halls where losers keep betting and in the stock market where investors keep pumping more money into a useless stock. 

·     Some intellectuals use hard words (an obscure vocabulary) and convoluted sentences to prove they understand hard things. They usually, not always, have no clue, but they prevent reasonable discussion because no one can understand them.

The Triumph of Reason 

These are the marks of reasonable people:

·     Those who think rationally have a respect for the convictions of others.

·     Reasonable people are willing to examine their motives for believing what they believe.

·     Because most of us don't know what we don't know, reasonable people seek friends who can be brutally honest about our deficiencies.

·     Reasonable people attempt to learn from those with whom they disagree.

·     Those who use reason to form opinions have the courtesy to reflect back what a person has said and only when the other agrees that his summation is correct can he then proceed to discuss what he thinks followed by generously listening to feedback.

·     A rational person combines analysis with feelings to produce meaningful action. Wise people are well rounded--they read poetry and novels, go to movies, art museums, plays and listen to a wide range of music. They attend sporting events and automobile shows. They are constantly learning and expanding their horizons. Intellectual pursuits alone tend to wear away feelings.

·     Those who use reason to form opinions enjoy social interaction with a wide range of people including those who disagree with them.They treat others with respect and are generous toward the motives and opinions of others.

·     Reasonable people think clearly and talk plainly. They can succinctly summarize their ideas in words that just about everybody can understand.

·     When facts change rational people change their minds.

·     When faced with provocation reasonable people take a few minutes or a day or two to calm down before making a response, Using this phrase, perhaps: “Let me think about what you said.” 
Reasonable people after listening carefully and humbly may alter their positions somewhat (or they may not). Nonetheless, they possess the courage of their convictions and express them kindly with good will to all. 

Rational people seek to know more, work toward understanding others better, and strive to become useful to those they encounter.

POV

I began the January 3, 2018 post with these comments:

In our postmodern world marked by: 

• Selfish individualism that has led to conflict, family decomposition, riots, and neglect.
• Narcissistic hedonism that has produced 300,000 babies born each year with their mother's drug addiction, family entertainment filled with raunch and violence, an abortion epidemic.
• Deconstructive morality based on what each individual believes is right or wrong. 
• Political correctness, a form of coercion, that has depersonalized humans and leads to the loss of human freedom

---we need an anchor, a true-north compass, a ruddered ship, a "why" to live a life rich in good deeds.  We need God, a God we can depend on.

A lifelong friend, a friend worth respecting for her wisdom, warmth and kindness commented: Wow, is our society now that bad? Is it so much worse than in “the good old days”? The only thing I checked was the abortion rate, which NPR said in January fell to the lowest level since Roe v Wade. I see our country in a more favorable light.

I replied: Thanks Sheron for your insight. Perhaps I should have omitted the lead because it is negative and debatable depending on one's POV. If you notice the Rockwell painting (done in "the good old days") shows both negative and positive views of society and foreshadows the blog post. As Peter Pan said, "Oh, how clever I am."

Sheron didn't think I was all that clever, instead she replied: As for POV, I may be weird but I didn’t see Rockwell’s “Saying Grace” as negative, I see two young men curious about a family saying grace in a public restaurant; perhaps their life experience and home life was different.

My reply: Thanks for the stimulating conversation. Interesting how people interpret the same thing in different ways. Please keep commenting. I can learn a lot from you and it will stretch my mind.

Fascinating!!! I saw the Rockwell painting entirely differently from Sheron’s POV. I saw two punks that were about to snatch the old lady’s purse and bully the kid.

Come to think of it, others might consider the praying lady and boy as Christian bigots interfering with the meal of hard working young men.

Sheron’s comments opened my eyes to possibilities I hadn’t considered.

She gave me fresh insight. The abortion rate is down.

She opened my eyes to past memories. A bad memory is responsible for "the good old days."

I didn't remember the scourge of the 1950s, McCarthyism, the practice of making accusations of subversion or treason without proper regard for evidence. Nor did I remember segregation, the "black only" restrooms, water fountains and waiting rooms.

I remembered, instead, Little League Baseball, spin-the-bottle, and biking to Trout Lake for fishing and dipping.

(I do recall Bear Bryant forsaking The Fightin’ Texas Aggies to coach football at the University of Alabama, a tragic day that can’t be expunged.) 

We tend to block out the desegregation riots of the 60s, the Vietnam War, the 70s drug culture. Did anything happen in 80s and 90s? Personal and career events blur my memory for national events during those times.

Today's challenges loom no worse than those of earlier decades. They are simply different. The delightful events surfacing today transpire freshly. The world isn’t more evil or more progressive. It’s different. 

We can all improve our thinking when we become open minded to other viewpoints. 

Instead of slamming the dialogue door shut, listen. Let’s take a deep breath, count to ten, and listen empathetically to the other POV. Then reflect back on what we heard and listen some more.

After we have listened well, we will have learned some new concepts and expanded our thinking. We may decide to stand firm on our opinions, but by listening to others we will think more clearly.

I courageously defend my opening statement in the January 3, 2018 post. Although the abortion rate is down, we still have an epidemic. 

But, at the same time, thanks to Sheron I have expanded my horizons.

No one has ever won an argument! Let me repeat that: I cannot, you cannot, win an argument. (I’m certain to get some comments on this one.) We can, however, listen with empathy, develop rapport and find ways to communicate our POV more clearly with others.