Bringing Balance to Life: An Introduction With Words and Music

Most of us, almost all the time, fight the battle for possession and power. We find ourselves trapped on the freeway of rush. We have a shopping-mall mentality, a lunch hour McDonald's appetite, a sales-meeting life's philosophy. Before we know it, perhaps even without wanting to, we find our­selves leaping into the fast-lane without consid­ering whether we have an option. 

All of us are busy, perhaps productive…and very tired. All of us sense that we were not made for the rush ­hour, freeway kind of life we frenetically live. We seek calm, not chaos. We know, innately, that simpler times create better times. 

Yet activity is necessary. We must produce---all of us---or we become drones of society. Inactivity destroys the zest for life. We were created for motion and mastery.

Nearly all of us blame our unbalanced life on the lack of time:

• "Too many projects!"
• "Family? I  never have enough time for them."
• "All those business meetings do for me is put callouses on my rear end."
• "These constant interruptions make me sick to the stomach."
• "We didn't take a vacation last year because our business consumed us."
• "Time for myself? You've got to be kidding!"
•  "Committee meeting!?! Oh no!!! Not another one!!!"
•  "Life style? What's that?"
• "A nap? Considered it.......but no time for one."
• "Spiritual life? Oh yes, I attend church for an hour just about every Sunday."
• "I could have 48 hours a day and still couldn't catch up."

Is there a halfway point between burn out and rust out?  Yes. Balance is a choice. Life is balanced by being alive to both sides of our nature --- duty and serenity, work and love, activity and rest. 

For the next few months this blog will cover ways to bring balance to our lives  Practicing what's written here will help you:

• Have time for your dreams to come true
• Find time you never knew you had
• Learn to set priorities
• Organize your life
• Learn to refuse worthless projects
• Defeat procrastination
• Organize efficient time-saving meetings
• Give up the quest for perfection
• Overcome indecisiveness
• Balance your work and leisure time
• Find time for romance
• Cultivate a spiritual life that gives life meaning
• Have fun every day
• Use rest power
• Improve family communication
• Find time for your children
• Rid your life of time wasters
• Write bold, brief, empowering emails, letters, and memos.  
• Defeat negative emotions that mess up your life
• Rid yourself of bad habits that steal your time
• Add more life to your years
• Live one day at a time
• Reduce paperwork clutter
• Translate your dreams into achievable goals
• Know your core values for a successful life

A friend asked that I add music to inspire us to lead a more balanced life:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tk3rS8Yh-SI

How Cognitive Behavior Therapy Works

•Addresses distorted, negative thinking

•Teaches that emotions come from thoughts

•Challenges Shoulds, Oughts, and Musts

•Focuses on improving thoughts

–Who specifically?

–Where did you hear that?

–What makes you think that?

–When will that happen?

–How do you know?

–Are your feelings based on fact?

–Will your thinking help protect your life and health?

–Will your thinking help you achieve your goals?

–Will your thinking help you avoid interpersonal conflicts?

–Will your thinking help you feel the emotions you want to feel?

The Fragility of Health

A friend of mine, an excellent Primary Care Physician, told me about a patient that he seen, off and on, for ten years--a young man, strong, healthy, athletic. But after a flu-like illness 6-months ago, he developed a persistent cough and a slight decrease in stamina.  My friend listened to the young man's heart and heard a loud heart murmur.  An ECG was abnormal.  A consulting cardiologist  ordered a test that showed an aneurysm about to burst.  The patient was airlifted by helicopter to a cardiac surgery team at a regional hospital. The young man went from a vigorous life to an ordinary flu like infection to a nagging cough, to finding himself in a helicopter facing imminent heart surgery.  How vulnerable we all are to illness, no matter how old or young, how robust or frail. All of us would do well to thank God for the health we have today for we know not what tomorrow will bring. A cliche perhaps, but a cliche worth pondering. 

Meaningless Conflicts

Many successful people have a "neurotic" personality. The characteristics are:

• Take on more and more tasks
• Have a difficult time saying "no"
• Strive to please others
• Base their self-worth on the opinion of others

Many unsuccessul people have a personality disorder characterized by:

• Failure to assume responsibility for their own welfare
• Blame others for their problems
• Make excuses for their inappropriate behavior
• Don't think they have a problem 
• Instead they think someone who is trying to help them or put limits on them has the problem

"Neurotics" respond to those with personality problems by:

• Geting frustrated with the personality disordered individual
• Tending to blame themselves for failures of the personality disorder
• Try harder and harder to correct the behavior of the personality disordered
• Rescue the personality disordered over and over again
• Get sick, anxious, depressed, agitated, and worried while the personality disordered enjoys life as long as the "neurotic" lets them alone

This neurotic-personality disorder conflict is most often found in dysfuctional parent-child relationships.

When the "neurotic" allows the personality disordered to wallow in his/her own irresponsible behavior--flunk out of school, pay for their own room and board, buy their gasoline and pay for automobile care, go to jail--more socially appropriate behavior may develop. He or she may stop drinking or using drugs, study and complete school work, find more responsible friends, and get a job. They might even turn into a "neurotic."

Solving Problems Gives Life Meaning

Scott Peck's book, The Road Less Traveled, deals primarily with personal responsibility. The book’s opening sentence, "Life is difficult," introduces the theme that each day we face a series of challenges.  

Solving problems gives life meaning by enabling us to grow mentally and spiritually.

 As we grow in discipline and love, our empathy grows and our thoughts become broader--we begin to think critically, we make up our own minds about events, people, and ideas.  Without growth, we tend to define our worldview too narrowly becoming judgmental, narrowminded, inflexible, fearful, and dependent.

Avoiding problems produces emotional illness.  Since all of us tend to avoid the uncomfortable feelings engendered by problem solving, all of us to a greater of lesser degree lack complete emotional health.  All of us benefit from learning the value of facing our problems directly and experiencing the pain of solving problems.  
Constructive problem solving consists of four characteristics: delaying gratification--doing the most difficult things first, accepting responsibility by avoiding blaming and excuse making, telling the truth even when the truth causes us to suffer, and avoiding enmeshment by taking the risk of facing difficult tasks without being rescued by others.