Who Am I?

I don't know the source.  A book? An article? A personal encounter? The Internet? Was it a sermon? I found it scribbled on a scrap of paper underneath a pile of notes and articles on my desk. I apologize to the original writer for plagiarizing the material. Nonetheless, this truth merits sharing.

False Statements

• I am what I do.
• I am what people say about me.
• I am what I possess.

True Statement:

• I am the beloved child of God.

Refreshing Old Words

As an aging person I suggest: Don't use the word older. Or senior. 
Experienced would be better. Wise would be even better. Fermented wouldn't work, but elegant, refined, or opulent would be better wine analogies. How about Falernian or Surrentine, if you are inclined toward pedanticism. Over-the-hill is insensitive while venerable adds some sophistication to the aging process.  Old-bat is a no-no, but mature might be a hit for some. Ripe, no. Cultured, yes. Seasoned is OK, but graceful is better.   How about resolute or durable instead of old boot?

The Prognosis of Schizophrenia

Schizophrenia usually begins just as young adults are learning to become independent and productive. Because the illness typically strikes people when they are between the ages of 17-28, relatively few celebrated people have been diagnosed with schizophrenia. There are a handful of well-known exceptions. Nijinsky, the Russian dancer, made his mark as a genius before the disease struck. Meera Popkin, known for her entrancing performances in Andrew Lloyd Weber’s Cats, Starlight Express, and Miss Saigon, went from a show-stopping star to a Wendy’s french-fry flipper until small doses of Haldol and supportive psychotherapy returned her to the stage (Schizophrenia.com).

            For a significant group, medications, compassion, and receptivity allow the schizophrenic to become independent again. Some return to work, cultivate friendships, and marry. Occasionally a remarkable remission occurs. Often, though, treatment is ineffective. Even with the best of medications, most schizophrenics almost never return to their previous level of function.

Mindless Behavior

Last summer my wife gave me a dozen handkerchiefs. Now they are gone. Disappeared. Not in the handkerchief drawer or the sock drawer. Not in the clothes hamper. 

I began to wonder—“Do I have Alzheimer’s disease?” Probably not. The better explanation for the disappearance of my handkerchiefs—THE HIDERS. The hiders are sneaky. They put pencils behind my ear. They hide my car keys in the refrigerator. They have the audacity to slip my eyeglasses on my face at the very time I’m looking for them. The Hiders are ubiquitous. In every household they do their dastardly deeds. They are responsible for everything, from lost airplane tickets to the Bermuda Triangle disappearances.

Rather than resulting from The Hiders or from Alzheimer's disease our tendency to lose things is more likely due to mindless behavior. Forgetting why we entered a room, saying hello to mannequins, misplacing items—these activities reflect a brain on automatic pilot, a brain that acts without thinking. Almost all of us have seen this mindless behavior in others. A department store clerk will ask you to sign the back of your credit card. After you have signed the card and then the receipt, the clerk holds the receipt next to your credit card to see if the signatures match. Mindless behavior? Did the Hiders climb into the clerk’s skull and conceal her brains? Or does she have Alzheimer’s disease? Doubtful, but these little memory gaps and mindless actions make us wonder, especially as we reach the “senior moments” stage.

Listening--A Lost Art

Listening is a lost art ... and an art that can be learned. Mastered and used appropriately, proper listen­ing can allow you to save valuable hours per week. Listening will help you make time-saving decisions. You'll become a brilliant conversationalist. You'll be pop­ular.  Respected.

Why does a good listener acquire more affection than a good talker? Because a good listener always allows people to hear their favorite speakers - them­selves. People are a thousand times more likely to be interested in themselves than in you.

Here are the cardinal techniques for listening:

Make the other person feel important by using "you" words.

Observe the person who is talking.

Lean toward the speaker and listen intently.

Don't interrupt with long "I" statements.

Ask questions.

Reflect back using the speaker's words.

        Simple rules? Yes. But not commonly practiced.

Think about it. When you last communicated with your family, were you looking at them or at the television? When listening to a report, were you focused on the speaker?

 Listening begins and ends with making the other person feel important. Listen more, talk less. To listen, replace "I," "me," "my," and "mine" with "you" and "yours." The more the "you" word is used, the more important people feel. The more important they feel, the better and quicker they respond.

Eye contact looking at the speaker - is crucial. Because the eyes are the gateway to the soul, communi­cation at the deepest level comes from eye contact.

Concentrating on the speaker builds trust. Improves rapport. Enhances hearing. You pick up nuances in facial expression and body posture when you watch the speaker.

Leaning toward the speaker reflects interest. An open, interested posture encourages the speaker and builds confidence in the relationship. Leaning away indicates indifference.

Interrupting with I statements wastes time. Avoid comments such as, "I lived in Georgetown once...;" "Did you know I... or "I felt like that before...; I remember.............................................. "

Interrupting with clarifying or empathetic queries encourages the person to get to the point. The following interruptions help speed the person along: "I understand… What happened next?" or "I know how you feel..After that what happened?" or  "Would you please clarify that? Did that happen before or after…"

Asking questions develops rapport and understand­ing. When people enjoy being with you, they share important matters. Talking to people about themselves works with human nature. Talking about yourself works against human nature.

Questions lead to the royal path of persuasion. Asking questions will tell you what others want, what motivates them. You can then use this knowledge to develop a time saving win-win situation. By helping other people get what they want, you can get what you want.