Less Means More

John D. Rockefeller, then the richest man in the world, was asked how much money he wanted. His reply: “Just a little more.”

That sounds like many of us doesn’t it? We all seem to want a little more—fancy houses and flashy cars, bling and rings, frills and thrills, widgets and gadgets.

Aristotle, advocate of the Golden Mean (a balance between excess and scarcity), believed that not all the things we want turn out to be good for us. Some things if received in excess may interfere with our appreciating those things that are best for us.

Among those things that are best for us are health and enough wealth to obtain food, drink, shelter and clothing. Too much wealth and too many gadgets can prevent us from getting what Aristotle calls goods of the soul—knowledge, love, friendship, and integrity. Cultivating these values leads to an abundant life.

Perhaps a message circling in cyberspace sums up Aristotle’s Golden Mean: 

• I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright. 
• I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.  
• I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. 
• I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. 
• I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. 
• I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. 
• I wish you enough Hellos to get you through the final Good-bye.

Everything in Life is Relative Except Effort

Winston Churchill who suffered from lifelong bouts of depression failed at just about everything he attempted. He was an unhealthy child, very nearly flunked out of Sandhurst where he was regarded as hardly bright enough to become a cavalry officer. As Minister of War during WWI he sent the British Army to the Dardanelles where the troops met with a military failure of enormous proportions. When he was Chancellor of the Exchequer he helped precipitate the world monetary crisis by returning England to the gold standard.

With bulldog determination to fight back from depression and failure Churchill inspired Great Britain to withstand Germany's constant bombardment when he became Prime Minister during WW II. Churchill who because of his rhetoric and leadership was most responsible for the eventual allied victory said, "Most of the days work is done by those who do not feel very good."

Successful people are often as scared, depressed and frustrated as everybody else. They just don't let their emotions and disappointments get in the way of their steady pursuit of worthwhile goals. There exists plenty of sweat and fear in every success story.

Here are some techniques that fulfilled people use to manage their emotions:

• They turn fear into energy.  Get rid of power draining fear by asking, "What is worst that could happen?"After vividly imagining the abysmal, we can work on preventing a bad result. Instead of focusing what we don't want we can concentrate our time and energy on what it takes to successfully complete a task.
• They act. Because most things worth doing require expanding our comfort zone winners don't wait for everything to be perfect before acting. When we list our ten greatest achievements we often find that most of them---bicycle riding, going to school, skiing, playing a sport, going to college, joining the military, getting a job, moving to a new city, having children---involved overcoming a fear. As the cliche' says, "Just do it." 
• They fake it until they make it. If we wait until we overcome fear, develop a good attitude or gain self confidence we will fail to accomplish anything. We can learn from our mistakes. Try again. Keep trying until we get the results we want.
• They enjoy what they are doing. Enjoyment gives us an energy surge that propels our best effort. Use the Head-on-the-Pillow test. Each night we can ask ourselves, "I just traded 18 hours of my life on what I did today: Am I happy with the trade?  
• They are effort directed. Winners simply put their very best effort into becoming the best they can be. I exercise with two Goliaths who lift four times more weight than I. They put 100% effort into their workouts. I do too. I might lift less but I work just as hard. It's all relative. Everything in life is relative except effort. 

Borderline Personality Disorder: A Detailed Summary

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a misnomer. The term "borderline" originated in the 1930s when psychiatrists thought that emotionally unstable patients dwelt on the border between neurosis and psychosis. The classification, Emotional Instability Disorder, better describes those individuals who demonstrate the following:

• Ambivalent feelings about others—an “I hate you, don’t leave me” attitude. The borderline has intense love-hate relationships—thinking that a person is angel or a devil with no realization that all of us have “good” and “bad” traits. A few minutes or hours later, the borderline might idealize an individual and the next hour (or minute) the borderline will consider the individual worthless or evil.
• Chaotic relationships
• Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
• An unstable self-image
• Self damaging impulsivity such as overspending, sexual indiscretion, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating
• Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats
• Self-mutilating behavior—cutting or burning self
• Rapid onset of intense and profound depression
• Rejection sensitivity—considered the slightest inattention of an individual as a totally rejecting attitude
• Chronic feelings of emptiness
• Inappropriate, intense anger—screaming, yelling, throwing things
• Transient paranoid thinking, self-image, and behavior.
• Emotional instability that disrupts family and work life

People with BPD often have highly unstable patterns of social relationships. While they can develop intense but stormy attachments, their attitudes towards family, friends, and loved ones may suddenly shift from idealization (great admiration and love) to devaluation (intense anger and dislike). They may form an immediate attachment and idealize the other person, but when a slight separation or conflict occurs, they switch unexpectedly to the other extreme and angrily accuse the other person of not caring for them at all. 

Individuals with BPD are highly sensitive to rejection, reacting with anger and distress to such mild separations as a vacation, a business trip, or a sudden change in plans. Suicide threats and attempts occur as a maladaptive attempt to prevent abandonment. Intense anger develops when the borderline feels rejected. People with BPD exhibit impulsive behaviors, such as excessive spending and risky sexual activity.

For the borderline, physical pain is preferred over emotional distress. Self-mutilation results from an attempt to reduce emotional stress. 

A QUINTET CAUSATIVE THEORY OF BORDERLINE PERSONALITY

1. A genetic predisposition to emotional instability and impulsive aggression
2. Intense emotional activity as reflected in enhanced amygdala, cingulate gyrus and prefrontal activation in PET scanning and fMRI studies
3. A traumatic childhood---abandonment, sexual or physical abuse
4. Inattention to the child’s emotions and attitudes
5. Exaggerated paternal frustration that aggravates the child’s anger and fears

PSYCHODYNAMICS OF BORDERLINE BEHAVIOR

Anyone who has a child knows that around 18-months of age the youngster toddles out of the room plays alone for a few minutes and then toddles back in the room looking for mother. With a wide-eyed smile, mama picks up her toddler, gives a warm hug, and coos encouragement. Consistent maternal and paternal affection enables the child to develop a stable sense of self and, with dependable parental behavior, the child develops the ability to sooth the self—the ability to tolerate the vicissitudes of life.  

When the-soon-to-become borderline toddles back into the room, mama has disappeared or is drunk or is verbally, emotionally, physically, or sexually abusive. Inconsistent, negligent, and abusive parental behavior generates a fear of abandonment and retards the toddler’s emotional development. The toddler feels alone, lost, and worthless.

As the years pass, feelings of worthlessness, and a poor sense of self cause frequent changes in careers, jobs, friendships, and values. 

Borderlines feel unfairly misunderstood or mistreated, bored, and empty. These feelings result in frantic efforts to avoid being alone. The emotional clinging behavior exhibited by borderlines repulses others. The fear of abandonment felt by the borderline generates hostile behavior that results in the very rejection that the borderline fears.

NATURE VERSUS NURTURE: GENETIC OR PSYCHOSOCIAL ORIGIN?

Just as some geneticists believe they have isolated a gene for shyness, a gene that serves as a biological marker for BPD may be identified. Remember—a gene must be activated before an illness occurs. That is, many of us may have a genetic marker for schizophrenia, but a stable emotional life prevents the gene from becoming activated.

BIOLOGICAL MARKERS

Although no gene has been identified as a precursor to borderline personality disorder, neuroimaging studies are intriguing. PET scanning and fMRI studies demonstrate enhanced amygdala and prefrontal activation in subjects with BPD. Excess activity in the cingulate gyrus is associated with borderline personality disorder. These findings are nonspecific indicators of intense emotional activity.

Illnesses ASSOCIATED WITH BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER

BPD often occurs together with other psychiatric problems, particularly bipolar disorder and depression. While a person with depression or bipolar disorder typically endures the same mood for weeks, a person with BPD may experience intense bouts of anger and depression that may last only hours, or at most a day.

Bulimia and other eating disorders, dissociate states, and anxiety syndromes are commonly associated with BPD. 

Substance abuse is a common problem in BPD. 50% to 70% of psychiatric inpatients with BPD are drug or alcohol dependent.

MEDICATIONS TO IMPROVE EMOTIONAL SYMPTOMS

• The chemical messenger serotonin helps regulate emotions, including sadness, anger, anxiety, and irritability. SSRIs such as Zoloft, Celexa, Lexapro that enhance brain serotonin function may improve emotional symptoms in BPD. 
• Likewise, mood-stabilizing drugs that are known to enhance the activity of GABA, the brain's major inhibitory neurotransmitter, may help people who experience BPD-like mood swings. 
• An imbalance of dopamine, the so-called pleasure neurotransmitter, may contribute to impulsivity and anger. Antipsychotic medications can help regulate dopamine balance.

FAMILY/MARITAL THERAPY

The crux of family therapy involves educating family members regarding BPD. Improving communication will help resolve the two poles of inappropriate family response: over involvement (rescuing) and neglect.

SEVEN elements of dialectic behavior therapy

1. The therapist communicates verbally and nonverbally to the patient that the therapist cares enough to be involved in helping the patient learn self-disciple. The therapist sets limits. He/she does not give into the excessive demands of the patient. At the same time, the therapist is reliable and steady. The therapist avoids rescuing the patient when the patient gets into difficulties in his/her daily activities of living while remaining kind and understanding. 
2. The patient keeps a daily journal that records events and feelings and thoughts generated by daily events. The therapist asks a series of questions to enable the patient to learn better ways of handling conflict.
3. Dialectic behavior therapy is based on the Socratic method of discovering the truth. The therapist helps the patient explore the what, where, when, why, and how of conflict and stress. 
4. Evaluation of distorted thinking—the patient is helped to see different viewpoints in a conflict and to focus on present issues instead feelings from the past.
5. Dealing with stress—the patient learns to manage emotions that are triggered by distressing events, including those that cannot be immediately resolved.
6. Dealing with conflict with others—the patient is assisted in maintaining good relationships with others. Through a series of questions the therapist helps the patient learn that certain rules of society must be followed to get along in the world, and that to break social, ethical, and moral rules leads to self-destruction. Using the Socratic method the therapist helps the patient find ways to fulfill his or her needs in a way that allows others to fulfill their needs.
7. Developing emotional stability—the patient learns self-soothing behavior by changing distorted beliefs and inappropriate actions. For example, a series of questions can help improve the patient’s response to stress:

• What are you thinking (or doing) right now?
• Is what you are thinking (or doing) helping you?
• What thoughts (or actions) can help you feel better about yourself? (Several options may be formulated until the best solution is discovered.)
• Will you commit to changing your thoughts (or actions)?
• How will you demonstrate that you have committed to change?

PROGNOSIS

A combination of appropriate medications and dialectic behavior therapy vastly improves the prognosis for those suffering from borderline personality disorder.

The Body Changes the Mind

We all know about the mind-body connection. Sadness makes tears. Fear increases heart beats. Embarrassment flushes the skin.

Conversely, the body influences the mind. Raised eyebrows augment surprise. Wrinkled noses exacerbate unpleasant smells. Lean right, objects seem shorter. Lean left, they seem larger. (Try it and watch the blog letters change size.)

I read in Psychological Science that standing in an expansive pose for over a minute amplifies confidence and increases testosterone. To prove the scientists wrong I stood in a Superman pose: arms akimbo, hands on hips, legs spread for two minutes. People at the Weight Club thought I was weird (I am). But I bench pressed 20 more pounds than usual.

The Superman or Superwoman pose creates a better interview or more self-assurance in meetings. Tip: Don't  use this pose in the reception area; this pose is best practiced in a rest room stall (with the door closed).  

The John Wayne pose (right arm bent at elbow, right leg flexed, left leg straight, left arm hanging by the side) enhances confidence. Using this pose from the platform relaxes the audience and improves listening. Hint: Don't use it for the entire speech. It will turn you into Michelangelo's statue of David and petrify the audience too.

The welcome posture, an open posture with arms and elbows away from the body, turns a sourpuss into a friend. It also builds confidence, encourages agreement and action.

Arms clinched, legs crossed, an upward chin signals arrogance at best, hostility at worst.

The wimp posture, head down, body slumped, ages a person and invites dominance from others.

Expansive yoga postures may decrease discomfort and reduce pain. Don't stretch too far. You may not be able to extricate yourself from the pose. This frozen posture causes pain.

The determined mom posture, crossing the arms, increases resolve and perseverance. It also keeps hands out of the cookie jar.

Tensing the muscles improves self-control and helps survive a dental visit. It also cries out for nitrous oxide (laughing gas).

Smiling improves mood. Repeatedly force your lips in an upward direction and you will begin to feel better.

The yes posture, nodding the head up-and-down, enhances positive thinking. It also causes customers to buy more cars and other products. People agree more.

Women who wear high heals buy less impulsively. Why? It seems that focusing on balance---standing on one foot for example--seems to reduce spending. It also may mean your feet are sore.

Of course, there are exceptions to every posture and posture changes differ from culture to culture. And body-mind research is just getting started. The scientific reports I cited may be proved untrue. I do know that they all work for me. Except wearing high heels.