Listening--A Lost Art

Listening is a lost art ... and an art that can be learned. Mastered and used appropriately, proper listen­ing can allow you to save valuable hours per week. Listening will help you make time-saving decisions. You'll become a brilliant conversationalist. You'll be pop­ular.  Respected.

Why does a good listener acquire more affection than a good talker? Because a good listener always allows people to hear their favorite speakers - them­selves. People are a thousand times more likely to be interested in themselves than in you.

Here are the cardinal techniques for listening:

Make the other person feel important by using "you" words.

Observe the person who is talking.

Lean toward the speaker and listen intently.

Don't interrupt with long "I" statements.

Ask questions.

Reflect back using the speaker's words.

        Simple rules? Yes. But not commonly practiced.

Think about it. When you last communicated with your family, were you looking at them or at the television? When listening to a report, were you focused on the speaker?

 Listening begins and ends with making the other person feel important. Listen more, talk less. To listen, replace "I," "me," "my," and "mine" with "you" and "yours." The more the "you" word is used, the more important people feel. The more important they feel, the better and quicker they respond.

Eye contact looking at the speaker - is crucial. Because the eyes are the gateway to the soul, communi­cation at the deepest level comes from eye contact.

Concentrating on the speaker builds trust. Improves rapport. Enhances hearing. You pick up nuances in facial expression and body posture when you watch the speaker.

Leaning toward the speaker reflects interest. An open, interested posture encourages the speaker and builds confidence in the relationship. Leaning away indicates indifference.

Interrupting with I statements wastes time. Avoid comments such as, "I lived in Georgetown once...;" "Did you know I... or "I felt like that before...; I remember.............................................. "

Interrupting with clarifying or empathetic queries encourages the person to get to the point. The following interruptions help speed the person along: "I understand… What happened next?" or "I know how you feel..After that what happened?" or  "Would you please clarify that? Did that happen before or after…"

Asking questions develops rapport and understand­ing. When people enjoy being with you, they share important matters. Talking to people about themselves works with human nature. Talking about yourself works against human nature.

Questions lead to the royal path of persuasion. Asking questions will tell you what others want, what motivates them. You can then use this knowledge to develop a time saving win-win situation. By helping other people get what they want, you can get what you want.